Reading the Funny Papers

Top U.S. officer at Iraq prison detained, charged

Damned left-leaning elitist media! Wouldn't we be so much happier if we weren't told about corruption in the ranks?


Astronomers find Earth-like planet

Right here! Under our very feet! No kidding.

MySpace! Whew!

My God! Where have you been, man!? I haven’t seen you on the boulevard in ages!

What a pleasure it is to see a familiar face! I’ve been off exploring. Hiking about upon the broad expanse, you know.

Truly? Wherever did you go? Wait! Let me guess. The fabled towers of Timbuktu.

Well, not exactly.

The searing wastes of the Sahara.

Not quite warm, yet.

The chilly heights of Nepal?

Cold. Quite cold.

Alright, then. I give up. Where have you been wandering all these weeks?

I’ve been rummaging about in MySpace, actually.

Huh? MySpace? Excuse me, but you’ve never struck me as the MySpace sort. Isn’t that place for children and cheerleaders?

Ha! Don’t you know it! I snuck in using the good name of my friend Guy De Maupassant. I thought the natives would conclude that I was just another guy looking for a good time. And I wasn’t mistaken. I was hardly there three hours before I caught sight of the halter tops and thongs migrating my way. Quite the sight!

And whatever was it that made you leave?

Well, you know me to be the serious sort. While at MySpace I tried my damndest to put together substantial essays embodying my thoughts and reflections, only to be repeatedly assailed by the sight of the equally substantial bosoms and bouncing asses of the likes of kissyface507 and partygirl20. It altogether derailed my train of thought.

Brave fellow!

And then there was that persistent sound of snapping bubblegum!

Steady, man!

I should have been better prepared. I knew that it would take more than a knowledge of my favorite color and an expressed desire to meet fun people to survive in that land.

Well, it’s good to have you back on the eponymous boulevard, my friend.

Thank you, Mssr. Le Duc. It’s so good to be back where I feel at home. But I will return to MySpace sometime. After all, there is something good to be said about the site of tits and ass.

Pun intended, I’m sure.

Bien sûr.